Support, understanding and a place to talk: How St Clare’s Dementia Carers’ Cafe has helped Peter and Ann.
Peter and Ann’s story is one of family ties, strength and valuable support they’ve found through St Clare Hospice’s Dementia Carers’ Café.
Peter had been caring for his stepfather, Bill, who was living with dementia. What started as small acts of support – accompanying him to appointments and running errands – gradually became a full-time role.
“I was spending about a third of my week doing things for Bill,” Peter explained. “Which, of course, I didn’t mind but it was a lot of work and it was hard. Our daughters kept saying ‘You can’t keep on doing so much’ and that maybe it was time to start thinking about a care home.”
Ann could see the toll it was taking. “The impact on Peter was much more than on me. Looking after Bill had become a really big job. It was a relief when we went into a home because we knew he’d be well looked after and not everything would fall on our shoulders.”
The decision to move Bill into a care home wasn’t easy – but the Dementia Carers’ Café played a key role in helping them get there.
“It was partly thanks to the advice from the group that we were able to get him into the care home,” Peter said. “They kept telling us ‘Just keep saying what you want and don’t back down’. Eventually, we managed to get him a space. It changed everything.”
Peter and Ann have now been attending the café for over two years. What began as a hopeful attempt to “solve a few problems” became a cornerstone of their support system.
“It changed our life coming to this group. It’s so helpful. You learn such a lot. And of course, it’s good to talk to people in similar circumstances – see how they’re managing, what they can suggest.”
The café offers something rare – a place where carers feel seen, heard and understood.
“Some arrive angry,” Peter said. “Angry that they’re in this position, that they’re having to manage on their own, because they don’t know what to do. It’s fantastic to see people grow and understand and to share. We all listen to one another and no one tells you how you should feel. They’re just there for you.”
The group also reminds carers that they’re not alone.
“You are surrounded by people who have many more problems than you had ever imagined,” Peter said. “Some are caring for elderly husbands all on their own. It’s mind-blowing how they’re coping. And sometimes you feel lucky you don’t have that pressure.”
St Clare’s volunteer café facilitators are a vital part of the experience. Peter said: “They’re great listeners and really know how to talk to people. It does change lives for the better.”
Ann said the café also helps carers come to terms with the emotional weight of dementia.
“I don’t think people generally understand dementia. Some can’t accept it’s happening to their partner. All the plans you had for your old age go out the window. The life you imagined is gone. And that can be very hard to accept.”
Yet even when there are no easy answers, the café provides comfort.
“Not every problem can be solved,” Ann said. “But at least you can come and talk about it with others who understand your frustrations. Some people are under tremendous stress – they talk for 10 minutes straight and everybody just listens. There’s no judgement. It’s a very welcoming, safe and supportive space.”
– Peter & Ann
We’d like to thank Peter and Ann for sharing their story with us.
If you’re caring for someone with dementia, St Clare’s Dementia Carers’ Café is here for you. Whether you need advice, connection or just someone to listen, you’ll find people who truly understand. You can find full details here.