‘I’m telling you the story of my journey to St Clare as a way of giving back to this wonderful place,’ explains Darren, a 54-year-old builder from Ongar.
It all started when Darren and his partner Janice were sitting on the sofa. ‘An advert came on the telly saying you should get in touch with your doctor if you’ve had a cough for more than three weeks – which I had. Being a bloke, I dismissed it, but Janice asked me to do it, do it for her. So I did.’
The next day he saw his GP, who sent him for a scan. That same afternoon, they called. He had two large masses on his lungs – it was lung cancer. ‘I was gutted, so gutted. I thought about my younger kids and not seeing them fulfil the things they wanted to be in life. That’s what upsets me most… not that I’d say I want one to be a doctor or a lawyer, but I won’t be here to see them do what they want.’
Since his diagnosis, Darren has jumped at every chance to prolong his life. He was offered a medical trial in Harley Street – but a terrible car accident just before it started, where he blacked out at the wheel and broke all the bones on the right side of his body, including his neck, meant everything was put on hold. After that, he had some radiotherapy, but the travel to and from hospital became too much, and his pain was increasing every day. The cancer has now spread into Darren’s adrenal gland and his liver, so the tumours are pushing against his other organs and ribcage.
Darren began receiving hospice support at home when his lung nurse referred him to St Clare. Cate, one of the hospice’s Clinical Nurse Specialists, visited and reviewed his medication with him. They also talked about supplements, as Darren was finding it increasingly hard to eat. As his pain became harder to manage at home, it was suggested at the end of March that he come into the Inpatient Unit for a pain management plan. ‘Of course I was scared,’ admits Darren. ‘My dad died in a hospice – but I also wanted to come, to try and get on top of this pain.’
‘I just can’t tell you enough how amazing this place is – from reception to the cleaners, the kitchen staff, the nurses, and the top doctor. I want to tell you my story as a thank you for all you’ve done for me. I can’t really eat now, but I’ve had cherry brandy ice-pops to soothe my throat, supplements mixed into ice cream with bits of strawberry, amazing relaxation sessions – and the doctors and nurses take the time to listen.’
‘Just this weekend, the staff on the Unit are organising a 9th birthday party for my boy – where else would you get that? With a present and everything.’ ‘If I had three words to say about St Clare, it would be: Don’t Be Afraid.’
Rosie, our Inpatient Unit Manager said ‘When we found out Ollie had a birthday coming up while Darren was staying with us, the St Clare Hospice team knew exactly what to do. With the help of our Patient and Family Support Team – and our fundraising colleagues – we planned a 9th birthday party to remember. Together, we organised balloons, decorations, gifts and a cake – everything needed for a celebration filled with joy and love, right here in the Hospice.
The look on Ollie’s face when he walked into the room is something I will never forget. That day we were able to give him a memory to hold onto – a final birthday with his dad, filled not with uncertainty and sadness, but with laughter, hugs and happiness.’
Darren died in the hospice a few days after he told us his story. Thank you to Darren’s family for giving us permission to share his words.